The birth of Hazel
After working at a chiropractic office for a few years (we saw a lot of pregnant women), I found myself starting to be interested in birth. The idea of a home birth was very appealing to me but I figured it wasn’t something a first time mom would do. After all, I had no idea/concept of what birth felt like, all I really knew was what we see in the movies; screaming, pain, epidurals & c-sections. At 35 years old, I was pregnant with my first daughter & I mentioned to my husband that I was interested in learning about home birth. He was immediately on the fence, but as my biggest supporter & with an open mind, he agreed to learn more.
I decided to start looking for a doula, we felt that it was necessary to have someone there (home or hospital) that knew what was going on, what was going to happen & who could guide us through. Luckily I landed on Steph & Michelle from Wildflower & it was love at first sight! Our first meeting, they came over to our house for coffee, (actually I think they brought it) and we laid it all out on the table. They answered all of our questions, calmed some nerves & gave us invaluable information.
I’m pretty sure my husband change his mind immediately after that first meeting, he was on board with a home birth.
I was 39 weeks & 2 days pregnant with my first. I was laying in bed about 9:30am in the morning. My sister had texted me that she was on her way over, we were going to hang out for a few hours that day. I laid my phone down as I needed my hands to help roll my self over & I felt an audible pop & then wetness. My water had broke. This was like in the movies, there was so much liquid. I waddled to the bathroom and couldn’t believe it, I was in utter disbelief that this was actually going to happen, today. I stood up and looked in the toilet, yep, my water had definitely broke.
We had an open bathtub so I stood in it letting any more water come out as I called my husband & messaged the group chat with our doulas. “Anyone feel like having a baby today?” The excitement that started to bubble up inside me was indescribable. My husband was working downtown. We had plans that weekend to head to a pharmacy in Vancouver to get liquid Vitamin D for the babe, so we decided that he would go grab it before coming home.
I called my sister & let her know that my water had broke! I asked her to bring me soy milk & some cheese. They say you need to eat & keep up your strength before birth but all I wanted was cheese. Spoiler alert, I never ate the cheese hahaha! I had my first contraction around noon, I was sitting on the yoga ball, my sister & nephew were still over. I guess I stopped talking or made a funny face & my sister asked me if I was having a contraction. I said it was just a cramp but then realized that’s what a contraction was.
My sister left shortly after & I was alone for a little while. I had asked my husband to bring home a booster juice (I didn’t drink that either) & it was taking longer than normal to get it. I started to have contractions more consistently. I went upstairs to our room and tried to lay down but they picked up intensely when I got on the bed. Luckily my husband arrived home & in a bit of disbelief of how my contractions had picked up so suddenly.
One of the things that is talked about a lot in birth is that things aren’t normally progressing as much as you might think, especially for first time birth. Birth takes time, labour can be long. We decided to call Michelle & make a plan. She told me to hop in the shower and see if that slowed the contractions down. It’s didn’t, I hated it, we have a small shower stall & I could not stand up straight. Michelle said she was going to swing by & drop off a Tens machine for me. I think she arrived around 3pm. By that time I was started to enter a bit of lala land, I remember her putting the machine on my back & saying she wanted to watch a couple contractions.
When I talk about this labour, I usually explain it like this:
The doula came to drop off a tens machine.
She said “I’m going to hang out and watch a couple contractions”
…And then she never left LOL.
The rest of the afternoon went something like this:
“I’m going to set up the pool”
“I’m going to go fill up the pool”
“Jessica, I think you should get in the pool”
The tens machine helped a lot with the contractions. I used it my entire labour except for when I got into the pool. The only place I felt comfortable labouring was bent over our bed, it was a taller bed and felt like the perfect height for me to rest my upper body on, swaying while Michelle started hip squeezes. I had a couple of really long contractions, I’m talking 5 minutes long. I remember saying I needed to use the bathroom, so off to the toilet we went. This is where I had my longest contraction which ended with me saying “well that was fucking crazy, get me off of here”. At this point, Michelle suggested for me to get on all fours or elbows, that maybe the long contractions were being caused by the baby not being in the perfect position.
As soon as I got onto the floor, I felt a gush of water. Baby had backed off a little bit & this allowed the rest of the fluid to come out & make space for baby’s exit. I was wearing a depends at this point (white carpet lol) and Michelle asked if she could take a look. Immediately she said she was going to fill up the pool. The feeling of the pool is almost indescribable. Like a reward for everything up until that point. Physical relief but also mental relief. Floating effortlessly, weightlessly, surrounded by warm water & the twinkle lights on the walls of my soon to be born daughters room.
As I got into the the pool, Michelle asked me if I wanted to be checked once the midwife arrived. Michelle had been in touch with our Midwife, they were friends so we left it up to her to communicate what was happening. We talked it over for bit. In all the birth stories I’ve heard, most women think they’re dilated to say 9cm but in reality are only at 3 or 4. This greatly discourages them from going forward & ultimately makes labour harder to get through. I thought that there was no way, NO WAY I was not about to push this baby out, but maybe that’s how everyone feels.
We lived in a very populated area & it’s typically hard to find parking, something we overlooked and did not communicate with our care team. This caused some stress as the midwife had to park far & took longer that we thought to reach the house. Once the midwife arrived, she quickly put down her things & I consented to a check. And by check I mean I’m pretty sure she just used her eyes LOL. She quickly turned around without saying anything & started to unpack her things.
On my knees, leaning on the outer edge of the pool, my husbands hands on my shoulders & around the back of my neck, my body started to push on its own. In one contraction the baby’s head was out. A brief moment of calm, of knowing that this was it, life was forever about to change. My body pushed again & she was born.
I did not have the instinct to pick her up, I would say I was in immediate shock. Shock that it had all happened so fast when we were not expecting it to. Michelle & the midwife said “Jessica grab your baby, get the baby”.
To be honest, the next few minutes are a blur. Our daughter, Hazel, struggled to breathe. She could not clear her lungs on her own. After a few moments of trying to get her going, the midwife placed Hazel on top of the dresser that is still in her room to this day. The handheld suction in her mouth, trying to clear her lungs. But it wasn’t working. She started to use the bag on her, forcing air into her lungs as she directed Michelle to call 911.
I was in shock, it’s all a little fuzzy. I remember my husband leaving the room, he was panicking. Thinking we had made a huge mistake by having a home birth. I yelled for him to come back, that I needed him, we needed him.
The midwife was pushing air into Hazel's lungs as Michelle was trying to put together some kind of electric suction pump while she was talking to the operator. I don’t know how, but they both seemed so calm, urgent but calm. Once Michelle got this machine set up, the midwife quickly used it; Hazel took her first breath & we heard her sweet voice for the very first time. Everyone in the room went silent as we all took a deep breath alongside of our sweet girl.
While Hazel was okay, an emergency intervention had occurred & the paramedics were on their way. Soon enough our little street was full of flashing lights, fire trucks & an ambulance. The fireman were first on the scene, I was still in the pool. After a fairly quick first birth & a moment of panic, I wasn’t really able to respond to the fireman. I was going into a bit of shock. They placed an oxygen mask on me and helped me out of the birthing pool. I went into our guest bedroom to get warmed up in bed while the paramedics looked over my sweet girl. Once everyone got the okay, she was brought to me where we got to snuggle in bed for the first time & sing her happy birthday (that was one of the things I wanted to do the most). Since it was a medical intervention, they wanted us to go to the hospital for observation over night & we agreed.
It wasn’t the perfect ending I had hoped for for my home birth. We didn’t get to all lay in bed as a new family and drift off into that first slumber. Instead it was me and my new baby girl & the midwife in the back of an ambulance & an uncomfortable sleep in a hospital bed. But we wanted to make sure that our baby girl was okay after her fast entrance into the world.
To be honest, I have not shared the ending of our story with many people, even some close to us don’t know it. I never wanted anyone to hear the story & have it confirm for them why home birth is a bad idea. I didn’t want to be judged for our decision & mostly I didn't want it to deter someone from choosing a home birth. In the end, it is our story & I wouldn’t change it at all.
In the weeks after Hazels birth, I overhead my husband talking on the phone telling his friend all about home birth & why it was so amazing. He went from being so far on the other side of the fence when I initially brought up the possibility of a home birth to being it’s #1 spokesperson. That really confirmed for me that we had made the right decision, home birth was right for us.
We could not have done it without Michelle & Steph. Showing us the way, teaching us invaluable things & opening our eyes to so much more. We are eternally grateful for their support in helping us bring our first daughter into this world.